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Can someone edit this essay for me?

When my mother was 9 months pregnant with me she had a craving for some collard greens my grandmother had cook the night before. However, as my mother made her a plate her water broke and she had to be rushed to the hospital. Of course just because her water broke it did not mean I was ready to come out into the world. My mother stayed in labor for seventeen hours with me and when I was born she said I felt like rubber because I was so long. This would be my mother’s first child but for my father his second girl. I lived in my grandmother’s house until my preschool days were over. I blame my grandmother’s house for vivid memories of my childhood from teething, to a Christmas when I got flashcards and to my very time tasting orange sorbet. By this time my younger brother Alexander was born and my parents had moved out of my grandma’s house into a small second floor apartment not too far away. Because of my father’s job we had to move around. We moved from Washington DC, to a few places in New York before settling down in Missouri.
It was in Missouri that my parent’s marriage ended and they separated. It was a traumatic event for my brother and me as we were very young and could not understand why my father was leaving us. It confused us even more due to the fact that we never once heard our parents argue. We saw our father off and on after that, but my mother did not want to live in Missouri alone so we went to live with my grandmother in New Jersey. I was ten years old.
I had always gone to suburban schools all my life, but in New Jersey things were about to change. It was here that I experienced firsthand just how bad public inner city schools were. I went to Chancellor Avenue School from fourth grade all the way up until eighth. I remember the school was depressing all around. The children there look unhappy and angry to be at school, they didn’t really participate in classes, and there was always a fight every single day. Not only that but lunch was horrible and I would only eat the fruit and when we went outside to play we had no playground. All of this puzzled me and just forced me into my school work even more. To add salt to the wound my grandmother’s house had eleven people living there despite the fact that it was a three bedroom two family house. The only conclusion I came to by all of this is I NEVER want to live in a city ever again.
Because of my experiences in both the suburbs and the inner city, I for the first time saw a country that was divided. I had always assumed that kids loved going to school and learning. And that they all had their own rooms and bunk beds. Most of all I had assumed that they at least lived with and was raised by at least one parent. But now I saw the world in all its ugliness and I hated it, passionately. My only light of hope was to get an education. There simply was no other way around it. I was just going to get good grades and then get accepted into a good university. But I was going to take it step further by going to medical school to become a doctor.
I did make it pass high school with good grades and I did get accepted to a historical black college in Ohio. I almost did not go because my mother did not have the money. But with the help of my cousin she got me a one way ticket there on the very last of registration. When I arrived at the airport I had nothing with me but my papers, some clothes and sheets. The students of the college were nice enough to supply me everything else that I needed. Unfortunately after the first quarter I returned home to my mom informing me that I would not be going back to school. I was hurt and upset by this. So much so that I joined the Army hoping my four years would go fast and I could go back to school as soon as possible.
The Army was a complete change in environment for me. It put me in a state of shock. Never in all my life did I think I would miss the inner city that I hated so much. But this was all necessary in order to achieve my dreams to become a college graduate. After all my Army training I was shipped over to Germany. It was a beautiful county despite the fact that it was extremely cold. It was in this county that I met my boyfriend now husband Bryan. We would normally hang out in his room watching those old horrible ninja moves from the seventies and eighties. We would spend hours making fun of them or rooting for which ninja we would think will win the fight. We would also go out to the local clubs and restaurants. After a few months of dating we were deployed to Iraq. It was four months into the deployment that we found out that I had left Germany pregnant!
I was redeployed back to Germany. It was in this country that I got all of my prenatal care. I found out that my blood pressure was too high, my iron too low and I was put on bed rest because of where the baby was or shouldn’t have been at four months. This proved to be the most changeling time of my life, a pregnancy is hard already but to
okay the whole thing is here since yahoo has a character limit

also ill be on msn

Lisa_Swarn@hotmail.com

the rest of the story is here

http://mistresssprite.blogspot.com/

You have done a fantastic job relaying your message. You are a great writer. I did find a few minor errors, and I have corrected them. I wish I could change the color of my edit to a red color, but the added commas are mixed in and the new words are capitialized.

When my mother was 9 months pregnant with me, she had a craving for some collard greens my grandmother had cookED the night before. However, as my mother made herSELF a plate, her water broke and she had to be rushed to the hospital. Of course, just because her water broke, did not mean I was ready to come into the world. My mother stayed in labor for seventeen hours with me, and when I was born she said I felt like rubber because I was so long. This would be my mother’s first child but for my father’S second girl.

WE lived in my grandmother’s house until my preschool days were over. I blame my grandmother’s house for vivid memories of my childhood from teething, to a Christmas when I got flashcards, and to my very time tasting orange sorbet. By this time, my younger brother Alexander was born and my parents had moved out of my grandma’s house into a small second floor apartment not too far away. Because of my father’s job we had to move around. We moved from Washington DC, to a few places in New York before settling down in Missouri.

It was in Missouri that my parent’s marriage ended, and they separated. It was a traumatic event for my brother and me, as we were very young and could not understand why my father was leaving us. It confused us even more due to the fact that we never once heard our parents argue. We saw our father off. After that, my mother did not want to live in Missouri alone, so we went to live with my grandmother in New Jersey. I was ten years old.

I had always gone to suburban schools all my life, but in New Jersey things were about to change. It was here that I experienced firsthand just how bad public inner city schools were. I went to Chancellor Avenue School from fourth grade all the way up until eighth. I remember the school was depressing all around. The children there look unhappy and angry to be at school. They didn’t really participate in classes, and there was a fight every single day IN SCHOOL. Not only that, but THE lunchES WERE horrible, and I would REFUSE TO EAT ANYTHING BUT the fruit. Also, when we went outside to play we had no playground TO PLAY ON. All of this puzzled me, and THEY just forced me into my school work even more. To add salt to the wound, my grandmother’s house had eleven people living there despite the fact that it was a three bedroom two family house. THROUGH ALL OF THIS, I CAME TO THE conclusion THAT I NEVER want to live in a city again.

Because of my experiences in both the suburbs and the inner city, I for the first time saw a country that was divided. I had always assumed that kids loved going to school and learning. And that they all had their own rooms and bunk beds. Most of all, I had assumed that they at least lived with and WERE raised by at least one parent. But now I saw the world in all its ugliness and I hated it, passionately. My only light of hope was to get an education. There simply was no other way around it. I was just going to get good grades and then get accepted into a good university. But I was going to take it step further by going to medical school to become a doctor.

I did make it pasT high school with good grades, and I did get accepted to a historical black college in Ohio. I almost did not go because my mother did not have the money. But with the help of my cousin, she got me a one way ticket there on the very last DAY of registration. When I arrived at the airport, I had nothing with me but my papers, some clothes and sheets. The students of the college were nice enough to supply me everything else that I needed. Unfortunately, after the first quarter, I returned home to my mom informing me that I would not be going back to school. I was hurt and upset by this. So much so that I joined the Army hoping my four years would go fast and I could go back to school as soon as possible.

The Army was a complete change in environment for me. It put me in a state of shock. Never in all my life did I think I would miss the inner city that I hated so much. But this was all necessary in order to achieve my dreams to become a college graduate. After all my Army training, I was shipped over to Germany. It was a beautiful county despite the fact that it was extremely cold. It was in this county that I met my boyfriend now husband, Bryan. We would normally hang out in his room watching those old horrible ninja moves from the seventies and eighties. We would spend hours making fun of them or rooting for which ninja we would think will win the fight. We would also go out to the local clubs and restaurants. After a few months of dating, we were deployed to Iraq. It was four months into the deployment that we found out that I had left Germany pregnant!

I w