I admit I was a very bad little boy / teenager. Take all three "problem child" films and roll them up into one,that was me:-( My parents were two very headstrong people, they fought constantly. I’ve never known a time when they were in agreement about anything! Me,the moment I was born I was made to feel like an unwanted burden. A unwanted dog you couldn’t get rid of,or abandon in some forest area. I was a very sickly newborn. The doctors gave me a very slim chance to live. But somehow my mother worked a miracle and I lived and grew up. I ask myself why? You as a parent should know if the child can’t survive on his own,he shouldn’t be alive in the first place, because in this world,HELP is a word not found in anybodys dictionary! Because of modern medicine I was allowed to live and grow. My parents are decease father died of kidney failure in 2003. Recently my mother passed away in our apartment on march 8th 2009. I often wonder why she just didn’t let me die in my crib? Back in 1967 before the discovery of sudden infant death syndrome. You put the baby to sleep on it’s stomach,the baby would stop breathing,and there you have it! If I was such a burden why not let me die,infants die all the time in 1967 I’ve never seen any mother go to jail for it in 1967! I caused my parents a lot of heartache with my stupid little wants and needs. The days that my parents weren’t fighting,of which there were few,I made trouble with of course my needs:-( things didn’t change as I grew into a teenager,they got worse! My wants and needs grew even bigger. And truthfully I didn’t much care about anything except finding a way to get the things that I wanted. And the almighty GOD made me pay in more ways than one for putting my selfish needs above my parents. As I got older into adulthood, my parents became too sickley to care for themselves. It was 1986 and I was about 19 when I thought to myself. Maybe in the eyes if god I can make amenze for all the bad things I did to my parents,by caring for them. Seeing to their everyday needs. Cooking.cleaning.laundry.medication.shopping. Keeping the apartment clean. Anything and everything including windows and the bathroom. I waited on them hand an foot for 20+ years. There every need was met. They didn’t have to lift a finger for anything! My parents were the cleanest well fed.well cared for senior citizens AND IM DAMN PROUD OF IT:-(:::::::::::::::: but I guess in the eyes of GOD it wasn’t enough for the bad things i’de done. The last 15 years since 1995 have been a nightmare! Relatives dying like flies. Watching my father fall apart and die in front of me. Then the house we’ve lived in is sold to a puerto rican gangster landlord slumlord with about as much sympathy as a snake to a mouse! Then my mother contracts shingles (adult chicken pox) it almost kills her! There were days I thought "is this going to be the day" and I prayed to god "please don’t let it be this day". She lived but not like before. Her COPD was very bad,but she continued to live! I Blame myself for my mothers death. Instead of watching her more closely, I decided to go to sleep. I woke up at 3am and found her that way. No one can imagine how it feels to find your mother that way. And having to look at her for three hours while the nypd used our apartment as a social gathering. It was almost dawn befor the funeral director arrived to take my mother away:-(:::: it would be the last time Ide ever see her again. Since then the nightmare has grown a thousand fold!!! I can’t get welfare,food stamps or SSI because my mother left behind 25k in savings! I had medicade for 14 years,and it was taken away from me because of my mothers savings. A big middle finger to New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg for that one. This gangster landlord slumlord wants me out! I have no lease and no rights because New York is now the most PRO landlord state in America! I can’t stay with anyone, or in a shelter, because the shelters here in brooklyn & queens have two year waiting lists! Are you athiests sure there’s no GOD?? Maybe you should walk a day in my shoes. Because it’s pretty clear to me that god wants me to end my life in some comical way. With Asthma. Allergies. Depression. Heel Spurs. Tinnitus. Astigmatism. And a herniated disc in my lower back, I still want to work. But I can’t find even an entry level job ad a cashier. Sales Associate or Stock Room! It sure sounds to me that god is going out of his way to make me pay for the things I did! I forsee only two possible futures for me. I will end up on the street where I will freeze to death in a cardboard box or be beatin up by kids for their amusment, or I will get stabbed to death in a homeless shelter for a tiny pocket radio.
So why don’t you tell me catholic community about the kind and forgiving god!!! Willing to forgive if you are truly sorry for your sins…wel
According to Hinduism, Karma plays a big role….
we think twice even to think bad about others….
Also our past life’s determined our present life….
I can only suggest you to do as much good you can do for other, people who will be benefited by your little help..
You can do service to old homes n hospitals etc…
have faith in God, go to Church whenever you can n pray sincerely,
Avoid black colour[ Clothes] for atlest 4-5 years.
Don’t give up hope……….